I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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