I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
