I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
