So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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