Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
