Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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