your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
