he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
