My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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