Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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