She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
