Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
