I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
