can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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