who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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