You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
