My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
