but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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