Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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