He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
