Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
