i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
