That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
