I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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