she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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