You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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