my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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