I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
