Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
