I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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