I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
