As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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