And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
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At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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