my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
