i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
