it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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