He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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