watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
