Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
