You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
