so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.