I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.