areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
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I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
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Well I just put wine in my tea
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.