How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
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My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.