The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
