so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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