i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
