I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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