If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
time to smoke my breakfast
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
