There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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