Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
