so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
this must be what syphilis tastes like
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
