New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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