dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
