First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
