Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
