She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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