he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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