I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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