My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize