So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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