Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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