They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
