My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i drank out of a bidet.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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