Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
