Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
did you just send me my own nude
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
