I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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